Marriage is Not 50/50

We’ve all heard it before that “Marriage is about give and take. It’s 50/50.”

It sounds fair on paper. Balanced. Even logical. But when you look closely at real life, you realise something - marriage doesn’t actually work that way.

Think about it. If a husband brings only 50% and a wife brings only 50%, who fills the missing gap when life gets hard? What happens when one partner is emotionally drained and can’t “meet halfway”?

What happens when trauma from childhood, pressure from extended family, or stress at work eats into their energy? What happens when children arrive and both partners are stretched thin (mentally, physically, and financially)?

Life doesn’t respect a 50/50 contract. Challenges don’t pause because the two of you agreed to share the weight equally.

Marriage thrives when both partners show up with their whole selves - not half, not leftovers, not “when I feel like it.”

It demands:

- 100% responsibility for your personal growth.
- 100% effort in communication.
- 100% ownership of your healing.

This doesn’t mean perfection. It simply means showing up fully, with your scars, your strengths, your weaknesses, and your willingness to keep growing together.

Now, let’s talk about the African reality. This 50/50 concept becomes even more fragile in our context. Many of us marry under heavy cultural pressure, sometimes too early, often without preparation. Families tell us marriage is about endurance, not partnership. Tools for emotional connection are hardly taught.

So, many couples enter marriage already carrying less than 50% of themselves. Unresolved trauma. Financial stress. Toxic family systems. By the time they arrive at the altar, they are already drained, and then society expects them to magically “balance” each other. No wonder the weight often feels unbearable.

This is why, when our counselors sit with couples, they don’t simply say “just try harder.” Trying harder at the wrong thing only creates more frustration. Instead, we help couples:

- Identify what each partner is truly bringing into the marriage (strengths and gaps).
- Address trauma, poor communication, and toxic family patterns that silently sabotage intimacy.
- Learn how to function as a team without losing their individuality.

Marriage isn’t about two halves making a whole. It’s about two whole people, choosing to build a future together.